Sincerely, Edward Cullen
by Luinvinial
Summary: "One new email message from: Edward Cullen!" Hilarity ensures when one particularly... "enthusiastic" Twilighter receives a surprising email from an even more surprising person/vampire. An entertaining comedy. Crackfic. Reviews greatly appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, so I came up with this on out of the blue when I was reading a Twilight fan fiction about ten minutes ago. I'm sure they're tons of these, but this is from a fangirl's perspective instead of Bella's so I shall have fun. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:**** If you think I came up with the book series "Twilight," I offer you some words of wisdom: GROW SOME BRAIN CELLS! Thanks. :D**

**----**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

My fingers drummed furiously on the desk as I sat -not so patiently- waiting for my ancient computer to wake. One minute passed, it's low humming the only sign of life. Two more minutes passed in the same manner, then three, then four.

"TURN ON YOU STUPID COMPUTER!!!" I screamed beating my fists on my desk. Why did everything bad have to happen to me TODAY?! I mean, come on! Couldn't life just give me a break? Wasn't failing my Geometry quiz, missing my bus and consequently having to _walk_ all the way to the library from my school enough for one day?

Apparently not.

I halted my hands, clenching my fists instead on the corners of the desk, and concentrating wholly on breathing in and out rhythmically before I lost it and formed a rather… _sizeable_ hole in my wall's plaster, suspiciously similar in size and shape to that of a computer monitor.

You'd be pretty pissed too if your librarian kicked you off of the library computer right at the precise moment your friend sent you an instant message saying, "Jacob is better than Edward!" then proceeded to tell you you've got to go home immediately because they were 'closing' not even allowing you one second to type a quick 'brb'.

And that was just the beginning. So then you're forced to run the hot and sweaty two miles home because the absolute one day you want your Mom to pick you us, she's working.

As I said before, today was just NOT my day. Oh and of course, my excuse of a computer was being a jerk to me as well.

"Please, please turn on!" I decidedly switched tactics and started stroking the screen gently, eventually cradling it protectively in my arms to add to the charade. At the moment I wasn't sure whether or not it really was just a façade, or if I really was losing it. Then again, I was used to that feeling.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just let my Twilight addiction get the best of me sometimes. I swear I didn't mean it," I rambled. Coincidentally enough, the computer picked NOW to finally turn on. _See, _I thought to myself. _Even technology –no matter how obnoxious to start with- will appreciate kindness and apology._

Snapping back into my Twilight addict mode, I placed the computer gently back onto the desk (after muttering a polite 'thank you' to it, of course) opening up yahoo instant messenger, I signed in, found Jenna on my friends list, and typed her a quick "Are you FLIPPING KIDDING ME?!?!" all in less then 10 seconds flat. I sat back into my chair, in satisfaction awaiting her response. It showed up only a second later.

"Jacob is sooo much cooler than him!" Oh, it was on.

_DING! _

I jumped a foot in the air, out of my seat, and spun around, searching frantically for the source of the demonic sound that prevented me from commencing my oh-so-brilliant rant. I glanced sharply at the computer screen, seeing an icon bounce obnoxiously in my peripheral vision.

It was yahoo messenger. _"You've got mail!" _I laughed nervously at my own stupidity, and for the moment, forgot about my well-prepared Edward vs. Jacob argument, instinctively clicked to check my email, and froze.

"_One new email message from: __**Edward Cullen**__"_

**----**

**Short, I know, but I need to start it off somehow. And YES I do know this isn't exactly the most creative fan fic out there, but seriously- fangirls and Edward Cullen. Imagine the possibilities.**

**Poor Edward. lol, I don't know if I should actually WRITE it [the entire story] but I'll see how I like it after a couple of chapters, then decide. And if I get at least 5 reviews, then I'll post the next chapter... TOMORROW!! So review… **_**please**_**? **

**Byes! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey peoples!! Okay so I got SIX reviews! -cheers- I was seriously skipping around and smiling like a doofus all day because of it too. I really appreciated it, guys! Hey, they may not be a lot to you, but compared to my other stories it sure is. Thanks for making my day.**

**ANYWAYS, so I got all six (even though 2 of them were my friends) and I can't wait to continue on to the next chapter. I know where it's going in the general sense, but after I get those couple of chapters I'll be making it up on the spot probably. lol, I'll "brainstorm." And by the way, the friend here named "Jenna" is actually one of my ranting buddies in real life who also reviewed. (HI JENANANANA!) I'll also be introducing more addicts in here -cough- L.N. -cough- because we need a mob to attack Edward. lol, well I hope you enjoy the next chapters!**

**PS- Sorry ahead of time if I make tons of grammer mistakes. I try my best, but sometimes I slip.**

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Twilight... but I DO own my totally random Twilight-obsessed friends! I bought them off with cookies... yum.**

**--**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

Oh. My. Carlisle. Edward Cullen. _**THE**_Edward Cullen was emailing me.

I was in shock. I mean, a fangirl can only take so much! I sunk back into my chair letting my surprise consume me. After a while, I slowly came to notice the irritating "DINGS!" that were coming from my computer ever five seconds.

Oh my God **JENNA**!

I snapped out of my trance to check my chat with Jenna.

_Hello?_

_Nohely?_

_..._

_U there?_

_HELLOOOOO?_

_NOHELY!_

_NOOOHEEEELLYYYY!!_

_I was just kidding about the Jacob thing, you know. _

_We both know Edward's better. Just did that to bug you..._

_Hello?_

_Are you mad?_

_**STOP IGNORING ME AND RESPOND ALREADY!!**_

As I started to type an apology back, I felt something vibrate in my pocket.

"HOLY!" I shot up a foot in the air... again, spazzing at the stupidest of things. I mumbled to myself as I slowly slipped my cell phone out of my pocket and snapped it open. I really _did _have to stop doing that...

"**WHY THE CRAP HAVE YOU BEEN IGNORING MY MESSAGES?!" **

I sighed and waited for Jenna's endless rant.

"I've been IMing you for the past half hour and you just IGNORE ME?! So, after ALL the years I've been by your side you've just decided that I'm not WORTHY to talk to you, or something? You just got bored of me or something? Is that it? Or is it that your little fictional VAMPIRES are enough for you? They're all the friends you need? Edward is fictional, okay? Accept that! Cause I _SWEAR, _if you abondon me for a _fictional vampire_-"

Her last question reminded me of something.

"Jenna? Jenna. JENNA! **SHUT UP!!**" There was silence on the other line. Finally...

"No, I'm not neglecting you or our friendship, OKAAAAY??" She didn't respond.

"It's just I kinda freaked out because I got an email that said it was from Edward Cullen and OH MY GOD, I've just been sitting here like an idiot in shock starring at my computer screen ignoring it completely for tha past half hour! What the hell am I THINKING?" I was near hypervantilation.

"Nohely... are you sure you're okay? 'Cause I can come over if you need me to-"

"I'm FINE! Just... come over and calm me down so I don't have a heart attack while I think of what to do."

Ten minutes and two panic attacks later, Jenna, Mary, Ellen, Brooke and I were all squished into my room crowded around my computer, staring at my Inbox, the email still unopened.

"I bet it's just some prank or something. And how the heck does it say "Edward Cullen" if you don't even have his email in your Address Book?" I turned my head slowly towards Mary, who was the farthest from the computer sitting on my bed, and glared at her coldly.

"I have my ways..." It was silent for a few second.

"Oh My God so how are you gonna respond? Your're gonna respond, right?" Brooke turned to me.

"Well DUH! I can't just leave him HANGING," I responded. "I just... don't know what to say..." My voice waivered.

"TELL HIM YOU WANT TO MARRY HIM!" Ellen shouted.

"I don't want to creep him OUT!" Everyone thought for a moment, and you could almost hear the gears turning in our heads (or in our case, NOT turning...).

"How about asking him why he's emailing you," Jenna suggested calmly. I turned to her wide-eyed and whispered, "That's Genius..."

"And THAT'S why I'm the "normal one," she said smugly. Ellen childishly stuck her tongue out at her and triggered a staring contest. iWe all watched as they glared at each other menacingly.

"Dude. You hang out with us. How "normal" can you be?" I asked.

"True," they all answered back.

We all shifted back to focus on the crucial Twilight drama at hand. _My_ hand started to quake as I went to move the mouse to open his email to me. I shot a small, hesitant smile towards all of my fellow Twilighters before the moment of truth.

"It's now or never," Brooke whispered.

I finally got up the courage and clicked. The whole room let out an audible "GASP!" Only Brooke was coherant enough to compose herself and form complete sentences.

"It's really him..."

--

**The end. Haha, I'm so mean to give you a cliffy. But I'll tell you what... I promise you another chapter by Wednesday (though I bet I'll have one out sooner) that will be longer. I love writing this story! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do! Anyways, I would really, really love it if you guys would review! Reviews always make my day, so I'd like to ask you guys something... -slides down on one knee- Will you please review for me? **

**Haha, Bye guys!**


	3. Chapter 3

Grrr… I am pissed

**Grrr… I am pissed. I typed up half of this chapter yesterday (before all hell broke loose) and then all of a sudden, Neo Office started spazzing on me! I. Hate. Neo Office. So it deleted ALL of my brilliant writing that I was making up off the top of my head and I was like "NOOOOOOO!!" because now I don't remember any of it and it was actually FUNNY! And the depressing part was that I could read part of the second half of my written piece frozen on the screen.. BUT I COULDN'T COPY IT!! -tear- Well, I'll still see if I can replicate it all on TRUSTY WORD. -sigh-**

**Oh, and now there's a wasp on my wall… a yard away from me on my wall… frick. Maybe… if I… just… type… very… slowly… It'll.. leave… me alone…. Lol, well I'll try to not watch it's every movement and actually write. If I get stung, it's all your fault!! CRAP! IT MOVED!! **

**--**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

We all stared at the screen, reading the letter over and over in our head, as if rereading it would suddenly change the laws of… fiction.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I apologize for not being able to be with you today at school. Emmet decided to issue an 'emergency hunting trip' as he so pleasantly put it. Anyways, I will be back by nightfall and will be waiting for you in your room as soon as Charlie is asleep._

_Sincerely,_

_Edward_

_PS- I love you._

"AAAAAWWWWW!!" we all cooed. Well- with the exception of Mary, who simply rolled her eye, and Ellen, who turned her back to the screen and crossed her arms pouting, as soon as she'd caught the words 'Dearest Bella.'

"Ellen, he's _engaged_," Brooke whispered softly to her, wrapping her arms around her and cradling her in a friendly embrace.

"Yeah, and _fictional…_" Mary mumbled. In mere seconds, I had her pinned against the wall across the room, next to the door, by the throat.

"TAKE. THAT. BACK."

"Make… me…" she wheezed out in short gasps. Thankfully, Jenna intervened before _I _started craving blood.

"Woah, woah, WOAH! Put the girl down, Nohely. It was just a sarcastic comment…. Right, Mary?" We all shifted our gaze towards Mary, struggling in my grasp.

"Yeah… what she… said." I dropped her to the floor and her hands flew to her throat, as she gulped down some much-needed oxygen. Psh, that's what she gets for insulting Edward.

"Okay guys, focus. The email. We need to know _why_ Edward sent this email to _Nohely_."

We all took a couple of seconds to see if we could come up with any possible explanations.

"Maybe… maybe it was no accident. Maybe Edward finally came to the realization that Bella's a super clingy, wimpy, loser danger magnet! And thought that he wanted to have somebody better…" Ellen trailed off looking as if her mind was someplace else. She slowly rose off the bed, and I watched as a hopeful smile spread across her face. Maybe she thought she was reaching an epiphany.

"THEN, he came up with this elaborate scheme that allowed him to come into contact with you! Yeah! But not in a way to show how utterly infatuated with you he was. _Instead_, he decided to go through with his plan of sending an email, addressed to 'Bella' of course, to _subtly_ imply-"

"ENOUGH, ELLEN!" Mary shouted. Ellen's eyes that had been glowing with excitement and enthusiasm moments before, suddenly turned sad and depressed as she returned to pout mode and sunk back onto her spot on my bed. Everyone once again started brainstorming possibilities as to how Bella's email could have gotten to me.

After five minutes of silence, we had still gotten nowhere. Brooke watched us the entire time, highly amused by our attempts at 'thinking' and 'concentrating.' I even thought I heard her mumble, "Wow, I don't think I've ever seen you guys actually _think _before. I might want to take a picture of this rare occurrence." _I _was of course too busy _concentrating_ on the issue at hand to be sure whether or not it had actually been said. Go me!

Not long after, we gave up. I looked everyone over to see if anyone had even the slightest of ideas of why we could have gotten the message. Instead, I found that Mary had long abandoned our hopeless (and in her eyes, probably _pointless_) mission and she'd snuck away out of my house without my even noticing. Odd. _I guess I was just concentrating too hard_, I thought to myself smugly.

Brooke finally broke the silence, looking at us with a stunned expression on her face.

"You guys seriously have no idea?" she asked, seriously underestimating our obliviousness. We all shook our heads 'no.'

"Did it ever occur to you all that he could have just made a typo? That the while email just _accidentally _got sent to you instead of Bella? C'mon." We were taken back at the simple-ness of the solution. 'The most complex problems often have the simplest of solutions' I quoted to myself. Hey... didn't Edward say that once? Hmm…

"Ooooohh… THAT makes sense!" I snapped out of my reverie at Ellen's loud exclamation.

"Exactly. And it's the only plausible solution." Brooke looked us over and made eye contact with each one of us to make sure we were paying attention and not thinking about Edward again.

_Edward…_

"Okay guys, so FOCUS! The email! Now, we know how and _why_ the email was sent. Now we need to decide what we're gonna _do_ about it." Once again, we fell silent.

Ellen sucked in a deep breath and with a huge smile was about to begin her no-doubt lengthy explanation of how we should propose or something extreme like that when Mary stopped her.

"No." Ellen puckered out her lower lip and we all 'concentrated' again.

"Let's just send him a nice sophisticated email alerting him of his little mistake. That way, he can make sure he gets his message to Bella," I declared.

"Okay!" they all agreed.

_**Five minutes later…**_

**Edward POV:**

I dropped the carcass of the dead antelope I was feeding on at the sound of my cell phone's beeping.

"Bella?" I snapped it open and it simply read "_One new email message!_" Assuming it was Bella responding to my email informing her of my brief and 'unexpected' hunting trip –I glared at Emmet- and hurriedly cleaned up any of the animal carcasses that remained before walking briskly past Emmet, preparing myself for the quick sprint home.

'_Hey bro, where're you goin'?'_ he asked mentally.

Damn it. I turned slowly towards him and let out a deep unnecessary breath.

"I'm going to check on Bella. She sent me an email and I need to respond to her before she thinks a mountain lion ate me." I scoffed at the absurdity of it.

Emmet let me off the hook and I was home, at my computer desk and checking my inbox in seconds. What I found was definitely NOT from Bella.

**A/N: Hahaha, oh this next chapter shall be fun fun fun! Muahahahaha! … wow I'm strange. Anyways, I guess this chapter turned out okay. It's the longest so far, but I bet the next one'll be even longer. Anyways, I hope you like it and don't think it was super cheesy!! Though Edward's letter WAS kinda lame… **

**Please review and tell me what you think of it! Also, if you have any questions, suggestions or ideas, feel free to include them as well! And if you review today, you'll get a personalized email from **_**the**_** Edward Cullen proclaiming his love to you! (Riiight… but who **_**wouldn't **_**want that?) Aw, I wish man… thanks guys! Bye!**


	4. Chapter 4

HEEEEY peoples

**HEEEEY peoples! I'm ecstatic about the fact that you guys are actually enjoying this story! Heads up- I'll probably be updating about three times a week because a) I love writing this story and b) I'll feel guilty if I don't… and c) I've got no life besides homework, reading, and anime club…. literally. NO SCHOOL TODAY! THREE DAY WEEKEND! –happy dance-**

**Well, it turns out that 'Mary' in this story –who is also my friend in real life- was a bit uncomfortable about being almost killed by **_**myself.**_** When I repeated to Jennanana what Mary had told me earlier -"I'll never insult Edward again when you're around"- she gave me an idea of an alternate ending. –creepy smile-**

_**Alternate Ending **_

"_**Yeah, and fictional…" Mary mumbled. In mere seconds, I had her pinned against the wall across the room, next to the door, by the throat.**_

"_**TAKE. THAT. BACK." **_

"_**Make… me…" she wheezed out in short gasps.**_

_**After about a minute of watching her claw at her throat, gasping for air, I remembered I had an audience and turned. Everyone was watching me with amusement, not showing any hint of vexation or annoyance, surprisingly. I paused, confused, and when she failed to intervene, gave Jenna a questioning glance. She shrugged.**_

"_**Continue."**_

_**I turned back to my task at hand just in time to see Mary's head slumped. I let go and watched as her body sunk to the ground, limp.**_

"_**Oops."**_

**He… he… he… thanks Jenananana! And Mary? Be grateful. ONWARD!**

**--**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

_Last Chapter:_

_Emmet let me off the hook and I was home, at my computer desk and checking my inbox in seconds. What I found was definitely NOT from Bella._

**EPOV:**

I stared wide-eyed at the screen, frozen in disbelief.

_OH MY CARLISLE, EDWARD!! Are you seriously Edward? Like THE Edward Cullen? The mind-reading, incredibly-hott, sparkling vampire?? WE LOVE YOU! Oh, yeah, you have no idea who 'we' are. Well… we figured you accidentally typed the email address of Bella wrong and put mine instead, so WE got the email (you should probably call Bella and let her know 'bout the trip stuff…) and we were all like 'SQUEEEE!'cause we all agree you are the awesomest vampire EVER, and the ideal man. Okay, so everyone's attacking me and wants to tell you something. Here they are:_

_ME: Sorry ahead of time for my weird friends… I LOVE YOU!!_

_JENNA: Can you break Jacob's face for me? Please? Btw, only real men sparkle. _

_BROOKE: How does being a vampire work? Is it cool? And what the heck does an 'adrenaline rush' have anything to do with it?_

_MARY: -is absent, but would probably say:- you're weird… _

_ELLEN: WILL YOU MARRY ME?!_

_Sincerely,_

_YOUR BIGGEST FANS!! (and Mary)_

… Lord save me. After getting over the initial shock of discovering I had 'fans' I realized something else- they said 'vampire.' They knew my secret.

**(THE END! Haha, not that mean. Continue!)**

And all I knew was that I had to do something about it. Anything, as I realized in terror that my entire family –including Bella- was at stake.

**Nohely POV:**

We waited in silence for the stupid '_DING!'_ that would alert me to a new email response from Edward, but surprisingly, got another response. A video chat, requested from a certain 'latuacantante.'

"EDWARD!" we all shrieked in unison- after quickly accepting, of course. Then I set up our web camera so Edward could see all of his obsessive fangirls.

The computer screen then shifted as a bronze-haired, golden-eyed god filled the screen. All of our jaws dropped and there was a minute of silence before the drop-dead gorgeous model uneasily and hesitantly shifted his gaze from that of watching the computer screen, to starring directly at the camera. All I could do was stare at his hypnotizing golden eyes.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"I believe you know some information… about myself…" he started timidly. We looked at him, dumbfounded.

"Of COURSE," Ellen blurted. "Who _doesn't _know anything about the infamous Edward Cullen, _constantly_ saving his precious Bella from some life-threatening accident or impending doom while being incredibly sexy and chivalrous at the same time?! I think you even turn GUYS gay!"

Edward looked taken aback, may it have been for the vast about of 'secret' knowledge we wielded pertaining to him and his family, or about the gay comment... I wasn't very sure of which, but guessing the former. He gazed at us in a way that could only be described as "astounded."

"How do you…" He took an unnecessary breath before, beginning again, this time eying us speculatively. "How do you know so much about Bella, my family and I?"

I knew by the sound of his voice as it faltered, that he was only growing increasingly anxious with each passing second. It was only time until his impatience and worry got the better of him. He _was_ Edward after all…

And so the seconds ticked by, seeming to stretch like an endless plain until-

"I'm confused," Brooke stated. And Brooke was _never_ confused, so we all immediately tensed.

"If you really exist… and so do Bella, Charlie, Jacob, and the rest of the Cullens… what does that mean about the book?" She was obviously thinking very hard about this, while I was trying to keep my eyes focused on anything _but_ Edward's beauty- unsuccessfully, I might add. Edward was paying attention though.

"What book?" he asked, utterly puzzled. I discreetly snapped a screenshot of Edward's confused expression for safekeeping's on my computer- Edward's confusion was a rare thing to be witnessed and I was a very 'Kodak Moment' kind of person. Y'know, scrapbookin' and all that jazz, then proceeded to pay attention again.

"Twilight. The book Stephenie Meyer wrote about you and-" She paused mid-sentence. "You know what? Let's just forget about the 'hows' and the 'whys' for a minute. Point is, it happened. You actually exist, and we'll accept that, just as we embrace our insanity. You're here. Let's start there." That's all we needed to get started.

"OH MY CARLISLE IT'S EDWARD!!" we all screamed as we jumped out of our chairs and bounced around, forming a ring together. Several girlie shrieks and hysterical giggles slipped from our mouths, but Edward watched in only amusement. I guess he's never seen fangirls before. Figures.

After we started to calm down, we returned to our seats, staged around the computer and web camera. We made sure we were comfortable and had a clear view of Edward's face (I took this chance to snap a few more screenshots) until finally, the questioning began.

**Dun… dun.. duuuun!! Haha, so Edward was a little OOC, but what do you expect? A group of screaming 14 year olds just acted like you were some huge celebrity while reciting information that only his family knew and was supposedly 'secret'. Stalker-much? I'll probably add Edward's perspective to this all next chapter to clear some of it up, but it will be brief. **

**Lol, so not the most exciting chapter, but important to transition into the interesting fangirl /Edward interaction. If you have any ideas as to what I can have the fangirls say or ask, please let me know by PM or review! Any other random ideas for the story accepted too! Thanks, I appreciate it guys! Oh, and sorry for making Auhor's Notes like 1/2 of this! Review?**

**Vampire eyes are gold**

**Their skin so very cold**

**And I don't know why I'm writing this**

**But it's getting kind of old**

… what is my Literature class DOING to me?! Dang poetry unit… -grumbles-


	5. Chapter 5

What's up my fellow Twilight fans

**What's up my fellow Twilight fans? Excited about the movie? I am… but I still think it's going to be lame. I just want to see how much of a box office hit it is. :D Okay, so it was taking me forever to come up with what to write for this chapter, but inspiration hit when I was brushing my teeth five minutes ago. Okay writer's block isn't my only excuse. I'm creating a manga with my anime club and school is being annoying- as usual. And I had to go to a party today. Jenanana and I danced around the campfire to some tribal dance like they did in the Twilight movie trailer. Yes, I know I'm weird and I accept that about myself. Anyways, I hope this is worth the wait!**

**--**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

_Last Chapter:_

"_Twilight. The book Stephenie Meyer wrote about you and-" She paused mid-sentence. "You know what? Let's just forget about the 'hows' and the 'whys' for a minute. Point is, it happened. You actually exist, and we'll accept that, just as we embrace our insanity. You're here. Let's start there." That's all we needed to get started._

"_OH MY CARLISLE IT'S EDWARD!!" we all screamed as we jumped out of our chairs and bounced around, forming a ring together. Several girlie shrieks and hysterical giggles slipped from our mouths, but Edward watched in only amusement. I guess he's never seen fangirls before. Figures._

_After we started to calm down, we returned to our seats, staged around the computer and web camera. We made sure we were comfortable and had a clear view of Edward's face (I took this chance to snap a few more screenshots) until finally, the questioning began._

**NPOV:**

"Boxers or briefs?!" Ellen asked seriously. We have time to talk to Edward and she asks him THAT?!

"ELLEN!" I scolded.

"WHAT?!"

"Stop being stupid!" I loud-whispered.

"Well FINE THEN!" I watched as she strode out of the room, probably to look for sugar. '_Like she even needs any more in her system…' _I thought offhandedly. She'll come back in less than ten minutes anyways. Sighing, I turned back to the screen.

"Sorry about her Edward." I mentally squealed at being able to actually use his name. "We don't know what to do with her sometimes."

"I don't mind," he smiled slyly for a second before continuing. "And regarding her question…the answer is boxers," he breathed. 'Oh my _GOD_!' I swooned. And Bella gets to have him? Now I know how Ellen feels…

"I KNEW IT!!" I heard Ellen scream from the other room. She danced back into the room with a bag full of skittles and plopped onto my bed sitting next to Brooke and Jenna, making a show of popping them into her mouth and chewing slowly.

I felt my cheeks redden and I hushed the girlish giggles that had filled the room when Edward had made his little… announcement.

"Thank god you can't hear my thoughts from wherever you are…" I mumbled. He simply smiled mischievously at me, successfully dazzling me, of course. Dang vampire.

"WELL!" I clapped loudly, to shut everybody up. "Now that THAT'S cleared up," I shot a glare at Ellen who simply smiled innocently back at me, offering me a skittle. "I wanted to ask you a couple questions of my own, if you wouldn't mind,"

He smiled warmly at me on the screen before saying, "Ask away." But of course, being Edward, he had to add "But is there something you don't already know about?" Cue signature smirk HERE!

"Umm… yeah…." I answered embarrassed. He chuckled.

"Oh, okay so is it true that-"

"**EDWARD!!" **I hear someone scream. Edward's neck snapped sharply to his left on the screen, -towards the sound of the voice- I assumed. His eyes widened at the person hidden just off screen.

**A/N: CLIFFY!! Haha, I love cliff's… they give you something to look forward to and give ME something to write about next chapter! And sorry it's so short… but no worries! This next chapter will come out soon because I have most of it planned out already. It'll be longer to, I promise! Tell me what you think! **


	6. Chapter 6

I TOLD you I'd give you another chapter

**I TOLD you I'd give you another chapter! And technically it's two in one day since the other one was posted at like 12:30am… :D I totally loved the reviews I got, They made me laugh. I read them to my dad in the car (thank GOD for iPod touches and their magical email checking powers) and he started to laugh too. I think he's just surprised that people actually would like something that's written by ME! So… YAY! Thanks to all of you who reviewed! Love you guys! Anyways, I present to you the next chapter!**

**-----**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

_Last Chapter:_

"_**EDWARD!!!" **__I hear someone scream. Edward's neck snapped sharply to his left on the screen, -towards the sound of the voice- I assumed. His eyes widened at the person hidden just off screen._

_----_

**NPOV:**

What the heck was going on off screen that was enough to surprise Edward??? He just stared I shock to his left, then whispered.

"Bella…"

**Bella POV (yeaaa…. Let me ATTEMPT this):**

Edward was going to get it. I'd gone to school, feeling oddly optimistic for once, planning to meet Edward in front of the school -as was routine for us on days where I decided to drive myself, or his family was gone hunting- only to discover he wasn't there at our usual spot. Well. It wasn't sunny outside, it was actually quite cloudy, so it wasn't that they needed to go 'camping' yet. This morning, Charlie didn't tell me that I had gotten a call from him yesterday telling me he wasn't coming, so that somewhat ruled that theory out. I was pretty sure I hadn't gotten an email either. I was confused. I walked into my first period feeling numb.

What if… _NO!_ Edward wouldn't do that to me. He promised he'd never leave me. _That's what he said last time, before he-_ SHUT UP! I continued to argue with myself, the rest of the period, until I successfully lowered my self-esteem to the point of chronic depression, confident that Edward had finally realized that I was never going to be good enough for him.

School passed by in a complete blur and minutes after I had gotten into my car, I was climbing out of it, but this time, I was in front of the Cullen mansion and I knew exactly what I had to do.

**NPOV: **

Brooke, Ellen, Jenna, and I all watched as a very pissed off Bella come onto screen screaming unintelligibly at Edward, who was slowly shrinking into his chair, cringing.

"You could have at LEAST let me know! You'd think that after all we've been through, even when the Volturi-" We watched in silence as Bella's screaming turning into sobs and she slowly sunk onto the ground, defeated.

Not even Ellen could find this situation even relatively pleasing.. I hoped. I shifted my gaze to meet her still body. Her hand was frozen, skittle still in hand, two inches from her mouth.

"Bella," Edward cooed quietly, but her body only shuddered, with more heartbroken sobs.

"Bella come here." He scooped her up in his lap, cradling her and began to hum to her, softly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't at school today. I'm sorry I couldn't let you know in time and made you worry. I was only out hunting with Emmet."

Bella's sobbing eventually stopped, and she relaxed in Edward's arms.

"I thought you finally let me… for good, this time." She sniffled.

"Never, Bella. I will stay with you forever."

"AWWWWWWW!!!" we all cooed at them. Bella's body tensed and she cautiously looked up at the screen.

"Edward?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes, love?"

"Why are you talking to little girls online?"

**HAHAHA, love the last line. Edward's go some explaining to do!!! Lol, well this chapter wasn't even that long… I bet you're getting sick of my super short chapter. Are short chapter bad? Hmm… okay so do you guys want me to give you like one long chapter every two weeks or just one or two short ones per week? I'll start working on the next one now. Love you guys!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, so sorry for making Bella such a pansy. It's just, after making fun of her character for so long and calling her a wimp, you kinda get used to it, lol. Great excuse, right? So, yea. Butchered her POV, but at least I warned you. This chappie is more filler but it sets up for the next one that should be out**** sooner. Hope it's not **_**too**_** short!**

**-----**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

_Last Chapter:_

"_Edward?" she asked hesitantly._

"_Yes, love?"_

"_Why are you talking to little girls online?"_

**NPOV:**

_Please don't say 'it's not what it looks like.' PLEASE don't say it! _I cringed, waiting to see how Edward was going to make himself _not_ look like a creepy online pedophile. _Don't screw it up now Edward!_

"They know our secret, Bella." All us fan girls let out an audible sigh of relief. Jenna even chuckled.

"Nice save," she mumbled under her breath. Bella, still not entirely convinced, stared up at the screen, actually trying to believe what Edward said. Though, I don't think she really thought that a couple of 14 year olds could actually discover a more than century long secret that had been fooling the rest of the world with ease. She sucked in a large breath.

"Edward… honestly. How do you expect me to-" Ellen decided it was time to interrupt.

"Your name is short for Isabella Swan though you always correct people, telling them you prefer to be referred to as 'Bella'. You moved to Forks after deciding to give your Mom, Renee and her new husband, Phil some space and ended up at Forks High School where you met the Cullens. Edward 'dazzled' and 'intrigued' you even though he was starring at you like a creepy pedophile constantly- FRICK, THAT HURT NOHELY!"

My shove to her shoulder landed her on the ground, groaning. Whoops. NOT.

She seriously needed to install a filter from her brain to her mouth. Otherwise she'd continue to get smacked.

Ellen got up from the ground huffing and puffing while I stared in fascination at the paint on my walls.

"Continue," Edward urged anxiously. He was starring at Bella's face, waiting for her reaction to it all. Her face was blank.

"WELL," Ellen's eyes bore into my back but I turned back, looking at her innocently and faked confusion. It annoyed her to no end. Jenna snickered from beside me.

"After you -being a genius, of course- almost got yourself killed this time from Tyler's car, Edward came to your rescue magically stopping the car with his hand. You, thinking 'wtf?!?' cornered him in the hospital where he denied everything, not surprisingly." Ellen paused to suck in a breath and I told her to skip onto the important stuff.

"Then you both mushily fall in love because Edward dazzles-"

"SPARKLES." Jenna fake-coughed loudly. Ellen simply glared before continuing on.

"Edward _dazzles_ and Bella smells good. James sees you all playing baseball and wants to eat Bella so you both freak and run, but Bella being Bella escaped and decided to put herself into danger and met up with James. Edward comes just in the nick of time –no surprise, once again- insert awesome fight scene that Bella is unconscious for and James is dead. You wake up in the hospital with Edward there and he promises to stay with you as long as it's good for you. End of book one of the Twilight saga." Ellen crossed her arms utterly satisfied with the largest smile I've seen her wear since she found out Edward left Bella in New Moon. Jerk.

When I glanced back at the computer screen, I thought Bella was going to pass out. She was swaying slightly with her mouth agape, and her eyes as big as rolls of duct tape. Screenshot! I briefly considered what Bella's and Edward's reaction would be when they found out that not only did I know everything about their personal lives, but now I was planning on scrap-booking pictures they never even knew I took of them into something I would treasure for the rest of my life. Sigh. The risks and consequences of being an extreme Twilight fangirl.

"Bella? Bella." We all watched in silence as a look of horror crossed Bella's features and she spun on Edward.

"But isn't that _dangerous_?!?!" Edward turned back to the computer screen, assessing the situation: four teenage not-so-bright obsessive girls knew his family's secret.

"Well they aren't exactly the Volturi…" he mumbled under his breath. Bella was aghast, as were we. Wasn't he like freaky protective?

"So does that mean your not gonna sic your vampire family on us?" I mean, I was genuinely confused as to what was going on, cause if I was going to get killed by a vampire within the next twenty-four hours, I had some serious loose ends to tie up. I had to make sure my parents knew to bury my Twilight books with me in my coffin. OH! And maybe I could finally fufill my life-long dream of getting 'I love Edward Cullen' tattood on my-

"I think this is something that has to be discussed with Carlisle…" he started slowly.

"And I think it would be preferable if we could have you all be present during that…. _discussion_." Bella watched his expression skeptically. I'm sure she wasn't looking forward to having a whole bunch of teenager girls raid her fiancée's house and learn everything about their secret she spent forever unraveling. Not to mention the fact that these girls all _loved _him.

"Wait," Jenna interrupted. Her head was tilted to the side and she looked over us all thoughtfully. "So you're willing to invite four mentally unstable crazed fans over to your house for a… meeting?" Edward nodded slightly and squeezed Bella's hand in his lap.

"Sweet."

**He… he… he… duct tape. :D Sorry, I like random, pointless objects (like my brain!). I'd like to one again tell you guys how much I appreciated your reviews! We broke 50!!! SQUEE!!! And if you want to laugh hard, go check the reviews! Let's just say, some of the funniest ones involved valium, pranks they tried on their friends cause of this, and my own friends wondering what drugs I'm on and why I'm not sharing. Lol! So thank you guys!!! I'll try to start writing the next chapter now. Byes for now!**

_**PS**__- Did you all hear about Kristen Stewart getting caught smoking from a pipe? Jenna told me and I was freaking cracking up. I just found it incredibly ironic because I am always, and I mean ALWAYS making fun of her being all stoic and emo I would say it was because she was a druggie (cause she always looked high in pics) so when this came out I was like 'ROFLMAO!' Go search her name on TMZ online to see the pics. It was almost enough to make me feel guilty for saying that stuff. Let's just hope she snaps out of it. _


	8. Chapter 8

**So Kristen is smokin with her pipe and Rob is getting drunk out of his mind? Sigh. Kids theses days. Lol, well I've been trying to write bits and pieces of this chapter all week and so I hope you all like it. I told Ellen about her choking in this story (read it and you'll understand) and then she started choking on something she was eating cause she was laughing. I am not far off when it comes to depicting her character, am I? Let's just hope she's not as stalker-ish… :D **

**---**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

Two hours later, Jenna, Brooke, Ellen, even Mary and I were ushered onto a private jet set on Forks, Washington.

"First class, baby!" Ellen shouted from behind me. We had the whole cabin to ourselves (thank you rich vampires) but still, everyone had to race to get the 'best seats.' Ellen snagged the sofa in the back while Brooke and Mary sat in the two recliners opposite to each other in front of it. Mary was tied to hers.

Jenna and I sat turned in our seats up front, conferring. We needed to have a plan when we saw the Cullens. We couldn't just fangirl squeal and attack them…. as much as we wished we could.

"I say we pick a representative to discuss with Carlisle privately while the rest of the gang gets to harass- I mean _entertain_ the rest of them! That way we get to spend time with them without seeming stalker-ish. Well, _as_ stalker-ish." It was logical, was it not?

Jenna considered it, and I watched as she processed my brilliance. "But what about this representative? How do we know who to pick?" We glanced over our crew; Ellen lay dangling upside-down on the sofa, choking on a starburst, Mary glared at me gagged and tied up in her seat, Brooke sat in her seat, legs crossed thoroughly engrossed in her book "Sense and Sensibility."

"Hmm... I wonder."

-----

"Oh my god, _never_ again!" I yelled as soon as we landed. I shot out of the plane as soon as the doors opened. The past five hours had been utter torture with Ellen's non-stop singing of the song that never ends- in every obnoxious style of music in existence, watching Mary who managed to get untied nearly strangle Ellen, then having to keep them separated while everyone else was sugar high all added to the stress of not knowing what the heck we were going to do once we stepped out of the plane. Only Brooke seemed to realize that I was going to murder the next person who even tried to talk to me.

"Okay, everyone Jenna explained to me the plan so far, and by the looks of it, none of it entailed what we were to do as soon as we landed, so right now you all need to SHUT UP!" It was quiet. Oh, so they listened to _Brooke_. _I _saw how it was.

Then I realized that we had no idea where we were. I glanced around at our surroundings that revealed nothing except we were at a small, private airport. Great.

Out of nowhere, a huge black stretch limo appeared, visibly speeding across the runway until it screeched to a stop, not 10 feet from where we stood. The driver's door opened and we stared as a freakishly tall and muscular guy stepped out of the car, decked out in a fancy tux and black sunglasses. His dark brown curly hair contrasted with his professional facade and we stood in silence as the reality of our dreams coming true finally sunk in. And that shock lasted hmmm… I don't know? Three seconds, maybe?

"EMMETT!!!" The four of us (excluding Mary whom we almost, forgot tied up on the plane) promptly had squished ourselves in a big ol' Emmet sandwich. Instead of being looked at strangely and pried off, we found ourselves being picked up in a massive hug, successfully crushing our insides.

"What's up ma girls!"

"EMMETT... DON'T KILL… YOUR FANGIRLS!!!" I rasped in between gasps. He chuckled, but reluctantly let us down. We all gulped down all the air we could get before we finally calmed down. Once again, that lasted about three seconds.

"YOU'RE REALLY HERE!!!" Brooke shouted in awe. Psh, I knew vampires existed aaaaall along. Still, I didn't protest when we all decided to scream 'Oh my Carlisle' and happy danced. Emmet stopped laughing long enough to open the limo door, prepared to usher us in.

"All aboard the vampire express! Woot woot!" Shoot, didn't need to tell us twice.

The second we were all in, the car sped off at 90 miles an hour (I didn't even know limos could go that fast! Rosalie probably did something to it…) and before we'd even realized we had left the airport, the car was screeching to a halt. Outside hovered the huge mansion we'd come to know as the great Cullen household, so wonderfully described in Twilight.

"Well… that was fast."

**(You don't know how tempted I was to cut it off there. Heart Cliffhangers!)**

"Now people." I turned to everyone in the car and they stared at me intently. Emmett had politely tried to give us privacy by waiting outside of the car, back turned to us, hands folded, all professional looking. But we knew better- he would hear everything we were saying regardless. "Remember the plan. We nominated Brooke to talk with Carlisle and work everything out. Jenna and I will go with her if there's any problem." I shifted my stare towards Ellen. "I expect _everyone _to be on their absolute _best_ behavior the entire time. RIGHT, Ellen?"

She smiled at me a cheesy smile, but otherwise gave no nod of the head or any other acknowledgement of the warning. I'd be watching her.

"Okay, so this is the moment we've been waiting for. We are making Twilight _history_ here. Not only that, but making _fictional_-" Emmett cleared his throat loudly. "I mean, _vampire_ history. So don't do something stupid or screw it up! Please!" They all saluted, except for Mary, who just rolled her eyes.

"ONWARD!"

-------

We lingered just outside the door slightly longer than necessary. All of us were tense and anxious. Our lives were going to change forever- I heard a snort come from the inside.

"Stupid mind-reading vampire," I mumbled.

Emmett stood next to us, with an eyebrow raised, waiting for us to be ready. He'd stilled his hand half-way to the knob and snickered at our apprehension.

"Hey! Cut us some slack! We're going into a house full of vampires, _okay_?" I snapped at him. Jenna leaned in between Mary and I and quoted in our ears in what was supposed to be Edward's voice but was actually more of a horrible British accent.

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" We heard laughter come from the inside of the house join our hysterical giggles and felt more at ease.

"That's right" Brooke and I quoted back.

I sucked in a deep breath and nodded confidently at Emmett. It seemed like he was moving it in slow motion it was going so slow. Then I noticed he was actually opening it super slow on purpose and it wasn't my imagination.

"Open it, stupid!" Ellen shouted. He laughed out loud again, but slammed it opened all the way. The house shook.

"Emmett!" Esme scolded.

"Sorry mom," he mumbled under his breath as he shuffled over to where his family stood. Oh. My. _CARLISLE! _I was in too much shock to notice Edward snicker at me again.

There stood the entire Cullen family smiling expectantly at us. Well, except for Rosalie who doesn't smile at anyone. She was looking at us curiously, as if not sure whether or not we were even capable of being jealous _of_. I quickly introduced us half-heartedly. Knowing Edward, he'd already told everyone who was who and there was no need to. He smirked from the back of the room and nodded. Nice. And there was no need for them to introduce themselves- we knew who they were, for sure.

Carlisle who stood in the front with Esme in his arms smiled warmly at us before closing up the three feet gap between us to shake our hands.

"Welcome to our household," Carlisle said. "I've been looking forward to meeting you all." I watched as he casually appraised us when he stood back next to the rest of his family. Esme stayed a bit longer, greeting us all individually.

"It's very nice to meet you all," she said, giving me a hug.

As she stepped back, silence filled the room. Everyone was looking over towards the right of the room, where Edward stood holding Bella's hand. As expected, she blushed bright pink when she realized all of the attention of the room was focused on her and her boyfriend who was still standing frozen at her side. She elbowed him, probably giving herself a bruise as a result, but he got the point. He cleared his throat and came up to us all, with Bella in tow.

"We appreciate you all accepting our invitation to discuss the issue at hand here in our house," he said stiffly. Bella sighed at his side and shifted out of his embrace to walk up to us.

"Sorry for Edward. He's still freaked out that you guys are in league with the Volturi or something. He's just being overprotective. But of course you guys already know how he is," she joked. This time it was my turn to flush red, which she of course found funny.

"You should probably start getting used to doing that now. Emmett has new prey." At that, we all laughed and laughed even harder when Rosalie's smack to his head cut off Emmett's protests of 'hey' and 'that was mean!'

Before we slipped into another awkward silence, Alice bounced up to us dragging Jasper along and starred at us wide-eyed, unmoving. I thought for a moment that she might be having a vision, she was standing so still, but quickly tossed that theory from my mind. We stared back, eying her wearily.

"Now," she started seriously, breaking the silence. "Which one of you guys… likes shopping?" All of us, except for Brooke blanched in horror. We heard snickers fill the room. Brooke hesitantly rose her hand into the air a couple inches.

"I… do?" she said, almost as if it were a question. The Cullens chuckled as the rest of us visibly relaxed. Alice squealed and proceeded to jump up and down in place before Jasper pulled her back next to the rest of the gang to calm her down.

"Sorry, she's just being Alice," Jasper said from the back of the room. We snickered again, at his blunt-ness.

"We know," we said in unison. Rosalie actually cracked a smile at that one. Hesitantly, she came up to us all, Emmett right behind her- _duh_.

"I'm warning you ahead of time that Emmett's going to try to get you all to do something stupid and that I'm not being held responsible for any of his actions." Ellen pushed me aside and came up to her in what was supposed to be a confident and stuck up manner. Rosalie rested her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow.

"For your _information,_" she sneered. "We don't _need_ any help to do something stupid."

I yanked Ellen back before she could say anything else stupid and laughed nervously as Rosalie still looked at me with her eyebrow raised.

"Um, yeah same here. I'm not responsible for Ellen's stupidity or actions as you aren't to Emmett's… deal?" I suggested innocently. I didn't know if she'd agree or take this as a personal insult and cursed Ellen in my head for putting me in this position.

She hadn't moved and that only made me that much more nervous. While she pretended to ponder this compromise, I turned around and smacked Ellen in the arm… twice, so she'd get my point.

"Ow…" she pouted.

"WHAT did I say about being on your best behavior? Oh, and NO you obviously do NOT need any help being stupid! That wasn't even meant to be an insult, stupid!" I loud whispered. I turned back to Rosalie as soon as she started grumbling back at me. I _swear_ …. _one_ of these days….

"Deal." Rosalie's hand shot out and I looked at it confused until I remembered what we'd been talking about before I'd begun plotting ways to kill Ellen. She smiled down at me, telling me it was fine.

"Sweet." We shook on it, and I let out the breath I'd been holding for a while, grateful that we wouldn't have a problem with any of the Cullens… so long as we kept Ellen in line. Or bribed her with sugar. I was leaning towards the latter.

"Okay, so now that _that's_ settled," Edward started with a smirk. I seemed for that moment, to have forgotten the rest of the Cullens and Bella were in the room watching this display, and that all of them -except for Bella- would be able to hear whatever I said no matter how softly I whispered it. Well, oops. Oh, well! Too late, to do anything there. Edward continued, smirking even more at my revelation. I always seem to realize everything too late.

"I understand that you selected someone to discuss with Carlisle and I….?" He waited for me to respond, but Brooke had everything under control.

"Yes, that would be me, Dr. Cullen," she said politely, stepping forward. And that is why we picked her, people. Always on top of things.

"Very well then. Oh, and call me Carlisle," he said kindly. Brooke was ushered out of the room, down a hallway to a door on the left. Edward was about to follow when Carlisle stopped him, whispering something too low for me to hear. All I saw was his lips moving, but I was unable to figure it out. I saw Edward's eyebrows furrow in... confusion, perhaps? But why-

Suddenly, I saw a flash of white light blind me. When I looked behind me, Esme was smiling innocently at me with a camera in her hands.

"So we can always remember today." Before I could even respond at all, she was out of the room, headed towards the kitchen. Now we were left with Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Japer, and even Edward and Bella. Alone. Without Supervision. This wasn't going to end well at all.

**-----**

**YES! Finally a not super short chapter! This was actually a pain to write (it took me like… a week) and it's six pages on word. I was worried because it started sounding like a filler, but Jenna said that it had important info and it wasn't really a filler. Then again… she didn't read it yet… soo…. yeah. I also freaked because I was planning to have the cullens and us hanging out for the whole chapter, but when I got to this last paragraph I realized I never planned exactly what we were going to do… :D**

**So I would absolutely LOVE it if some of you reviewed and told me what you thought of it! Hint… hint… or even of things you want us to do at the Cullen household. Let me know! I'm not really sure if this was a Hit or Miss chapter. Reviews make my day! Well, byes for now, faithful readers!**

**PS- Since we will be finishing this story **_**relatively**_** soon, if you have any ideas of what types of fanfics you want to see more of, or just something you want to see written, let me know because I have no idea what else I want to do after this and I take suggestions! Thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks you reviewers for giving me awesome ideas! They'll be used in the next chapter though, so if you still have ideas, send them in! Credits to Jenanana, or vampire865 for helping me every step of the way- Half of the stuff in here was her idea…. :D (Breaking Dawn lovers- Check out her story, Deja Vu! ) Hopefully you all think this chapter is still funny! It sets everything up for the next one where the fun really begins. –evil grin-**

**-----**

**Sincerely, Edward Cullen**

As soon as Carlisle and Esme were out of the room Emmett and Ellen had teamed up and run upstairs to plan God knows what. Alice had dragged Mary with her to her room with Jasper on her tail for a full makeover until Brooke was available. Rosalie had joined her. Bella had gone and joined Esme in the kitchen, but told Edward that it would be rude for him to leave his guests, Jenna and I alone, basically forcing him to stay.

So there the three of us stood, measuring up the other. I mean, here I was- in the same room as _the _Edward Cullen, the 'fictional' character that had been occupying my dreams for the past year and a half, the person who I'd spend hours and hours on end fantasizing about what I would do and say if I ever in a million zillion years was able to meet him, was waiting for me to speak only a couple feet away. It only took seconds for me to prioritize, and immediately I did the one thing that had driven me insane with thought, theorizing.

"ROCK PAPER SCISSORS IN THREE, TWO, ONE!" I shot my fist out as 'scissors' and smirked preparing to look up at a confused or bewildered expression. I was sadly mistaken.

Edward still looked at me curiously, with an eyebrow raised, but when I looked down to his hand, it was outstretched slightly, two inches away from his body. In a fist.

"DAMMIT! REDO!" If I do scissors again, he'll never suspect….

"Rock," Jenna mumbled. Edward was smirking, with his fist outstretched again. Oh, he found this amusing, did he? He nodded.

"STUPID MIND-READER!" I stormed off to the corner of the room, and sat down, rocking back and forth, glaring at the wall. Two seconds later, I sneaked a peak over my shoulder to see Jenna and Edward starring intently at each other- probably a silent conversation. I glared. The edges of his mouth twitched.

Suddenly, Jenna spun around and threw her arms up in surrender. "Fine! You won't even let me win a starring contest?!?! WELL, THEN!" She came over and took my place starring at the wall. I stood and marched over to Edward who waited patiently for me, already knowing my intentions.

"I'm thinking of a number one through te-"

"Two."

"YOU SUCK!"

"Why, yes. Yes, I do. One of the many drawbacks to being a vampire," he said, giving me, as Stephenie Meyer put it in her books, a crooked smile. Well… it sure was a _crooked_ smile…. Edward snickered.

Suddenly Esme, burst into the room with a panicked expression. She must have heard my yelling. Oh, _right! _She wasn't used to my regular outbursts yet!

I rushed over to her with a pout on my face.

"Edward cheated, Esme!" I whined. She gave me a sympathetic smile, then shot Edward a sharp, reprimanding look, after enveloping me in a tender hug. It was my turn to smirk. Well, after I turned to stick out my tongue at Edward. I was so mature sometimes, it amazed me.

When Esme finally let me go, Bella was walking out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a washcloth. Edward immediately speed-walked over to her and gave her peck on the lips. Jenna and I fake gagged. I saw Bella's blush when Edward stepped back and settled on wrapping his arms around her waist instead.

Jenna had gotten up from her corner during Edward's and my bickering and was walking over to us. Unfortunately, she never made it and instead decided to pull a Bella, tripping over some unknown object (_probably being her own feet…) _and smacked her forehead right on the corner of the sofa.

"Bella," I sighed, exasperated. Esme, Edward, and (the real) Bella shared a puzzled look.

As Jenna got up grumbling and rubbing her newly forming bruise, I explained.

"Jenna has a tendency to hurt herself in every possible form imaginable, even when there is nothing near her that seems like it could possibly be a danger threat, similar to that of Bella's in the book Twilight. Therefore, we have dubbed her 'Bella.'" I let a satisfied smile spread across my face. They had yet to learn the extent of our obsession.

"Okaaaay… then…" Emmett suddenly appeared to my right, seemingly more amused than weirded out by this discovery. Then again, this was Emmett we were talking about.

Edward burst out laughing and everyone looked at him strangely, including me. It was his turn to feel weird. He calmed down enough to explain what he found so funny to the rest of us-, which happened to be my thoughts about Emmett. Damn. It was my turn to feel weird _again_ and I felt my cheeks redden with a blush when the entire room was just about shaking with laughter.

"I'm gonna go find Ellen the vampire melon," I mumbled softly and turned to go when I realized what I'd said. The laughter started up again, twice as loud as before, but Edward couldn't explain this time, too busy trying to take deep (and unnecessary) breaths.

"IT WAS AN INSIDE JOKE, OKAY?!?!?!" I stormed out of the room with a huff- only to realize I had no idea where Ellen was. Crap. That meant I either had to go back inside and risk earning a permanent blush, or having to wander the huge mansion mindlessly for the next few hours trying to find where the crap Ellen was. No way was I going back into the living room to face Emmett's and everyone else's taunting.

I sucked in a deep breath and bravely made my decision. I was going to look for Ellen and hope to not run into any of the Cullens. I smiled to myself and confidently strutted down the hallway to the first set of stairs. _I'll show you, Cullen!_

_**Five Minutes later…**_

I sprinted down the hallway and wiped the sheen of sweat that coated my forehead. On my left was a staircase, and my right was a small table with an antique looking portrait of the Cullens on it. _WHAT?!?! I've already passed this six times! Where the hell am I?! _

I spun around and shouted in frustration when I couldn't recognize anything else that was in the hall that could help me figure out where I was. I didn't even know what floor I was on, for goodness sake! They should have given us maps!

I heard a snicker come from behind me. I didn't need to look to know who it was.

"Are you… lost, by chance? In need some assistance?" Edward asked, acting far more innocent than he really was.

"I don't know, why don't you just read my mind!" I snapped. But I had reason to! I was frustrated as it was being lost. I still had no clue where Ellen was and what trouble she had gotten up to or even Jenna at that, and now Edward was here trying to purposefully piss me off. Not a smart move, in my mind.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" He walked in front of me and fake-bowed. "My sincerest apologies."

"Whatever, Cullen!" Jerk. I may be stupid, but I knew sarcasm when I heard it. His chuckles echoed through the hall eerily as I speed-walked up the stairs.

I decided to open a random door to see where it would lead me. I mean, I'd tried everything else. This one was on my right, and I didn't hesitate to slam it open. I quickly regretted that decision.

Not a yard away from me, Emmett had Rosalie pressed again the wall in a rather… _compromising _position and they were… sucking face, amongst… _other_ things.

"MY EYES," I screeched and backed out of the room, quickly slamming the door shut, after. I could still hear them? I shuddered. _How did I not hear them when I passed?_

Wait. If Emmett was here, that meant… ELLEN WAS ALONE?!?!

With newfound energy, I sprinted across the hall and up another flight of stairs. I was rounding a corner when I slammed into something that felt equivalent to a wall. I flew back onto the ground and tried to think coherently or at least stop the spinning going on in my head. I blinked my bleary eyes franticly until my vision returned and the dizziness was at a minimum.

Hovering above me was a very visibly hyper Alice with the largest (and not to mention creepiest) smile I had ever seen. I was immediately suspicious.

"Can I… help you, Alice?" I fumbled over the words, trying to grasp coherency and as I tried to stand upright, fumbled over my feet as well. Alice steadied me by grabbing my shoulders until I was finally able to stay vertical.

"Thanks," I mumbled, still wary of her intentions.

"No problem," she answered cheerfully. An awkward silence fell upon us and I stood there, even more suspicious as she made no move to leave. I inconspicuously tried to rub at my temple, waiting for the headache to ebb.

"I'm sorry I got you hurt. I should have been more careful. Here," she opened a door behind her (and where I assumed she had come from) and ushered me in. "I'll go get you some Tylenol for that headache." _So much for being inconspicuous..._

"Why do you keep Tylenol in your room? You're a vampire…" Oh, wait…

"Bella," we both said. I still found this odd, though. Wouldn't she get rid of it after Bella was- whatever. As long as she was gonna give me my drugs, I was happy. I plopped into the nearest chair, which happened to be in front of a vanity set, and buried my head in my hands. I felt a wave of relaxation pass through me.

"Hey Jasper," I mumbled, not looking up.

"Hi Nohely," he said, with a smile on his face, by the sound of it. Weird.

Then I remembered something and I shot up and out of my seat, all signs of a headache vanishing.

"Where's Mary?" I asked franticly. Jasper merely chuckled and I fought off the waves of serenity he was trying to force on me.

"I'm baaaack!" Alice sang as she skipped into the room with no Advil anywhere in sight. My suspicions were confirmed. I darted to the door. Alice was there in a second with that creepy smile still plastered on her face.

"Where are you going?" she asked innocently. But no, I knew better. I knew!

"You will NOT give me a makeover, Alice! I won't allow it!" No way. There was no way in heck she was getting near me with anything. I looked around the room, panicked. _What do you fight off a vampire with that you could find in Alice's room?_

I snatched up the first thing my hands could reach and wielded my newfound weapon with nimble hands. Then I realized it was a hairdryer. Alice was still frozen by the door, only to raise her eyebrow. I shot a desperate look around the room again, and this time I found something better.

In one hand I held a light blue silky shirt hostage, in the other, a can of hairspray. Her eyes narrowed.

"You wouldn't."

"Try me." We stared down each other. Jasper watched up both amused, sprawled across the bed. Since when did they have a-

"ALICE!" I shrieked. How the crap did I end up tied to a chair? I glanced down at my hands- the shirt and hairspray were nowhere to be seen. Instead I sat in the same chair as before, this time facing the vanity. I gulped as I saw the massive amount of make-up neatly arranged on the table. Alice appeared leaning against it, one hand on her hip, and the other skillfully twirling the hairspray can around and around still fashioning a wicked smile.

"Did you already forget I'm psychic?" I didn't move. Frozen in fear.

"Aw! Be a good little girl- Alice got you a big ol' candy bar if you behave!" I scowled. It was probably poisoned.

"Now, it is time to begin!"

----

"Ow. OW. OW! ALICE STOP ALREADY!" Alice huffed and threw her arms down in exasperation.

"We're never going to get anywhere is you keep being a pain! Hold STILL! I'll take the candy back!" she threatened. I grumbled and took another bite from the Hershey bar.

Alice was officially insane. In twenty minutes (twenty _excruciating_ minutes) she had managed to transform my boring straight hair that went down to my lower back into a huge curly puff ball.

"Al_-lice_, I can't even see anymore! This forest of a hairdo is covering my eyes!" I sputtered, blowing at the hair near my mouth to prove my point and then pouted. I had been making sure to whine the entire time too. If she was going to torture me, I wasn't going to make it any easier for her.

"Well, tough," she snapped. I sighed. I wasn't a very patient person. I bounced my knee up and down and drummed my fingers on the table.

"Jeez, Nohely! Can you even _feel_ me trying to calm you down?" I jumped at Jasper's voice and pouted when I ended up just yanking my hair further because of Alice's evil claws.

"Well too bad, Jasper. You could have stopped this from happening in the first place!" He was a jerk face. So he just sat here the entire time, watching? I fumed silently. Then I started to feel guilty. It wasn't his fault after all-

"Jasper, stop manipulating my emotion!" He snickered. If he was planning on me apologizing to him anytime soon…

Suddenly, I heard Alice gasp from behind me, and I heard the brush land on the floor with an audible '_thump_'. Jasper was at her side in a millisecond. She was having a vision.

I watched as her eyes went wide in horror, and she locked eyes with Jasper. I had to lean closer to hear her whisper.

"Visitors."

**AN: And for the record: Jenna really that clumsy, and we do call her Bella, and Ellen the vampire melon is actually an inside joke of ours- it has to do with Jacob Black, and LN as super hero…. who just happens to be a melon :D My cracked up comics own. Oh, and I tried to get some Jasper in this chappie, but that didn't really work, but no worries! I'll have tons of character development it in the next chapter.**

**So my goal this time is to get at least 100 reviews by the end of the year. Shouldn't be that hard since we had 74 last time I checked. Kind of like a Christmas/new Years present! I plan to have at least one or two more before then, anyways. **

**Byes for now, peoples!**

**PS- If you need a good story to read, check out "Trusting the Enemy" by soccermustang (it's a hurt/comfort story). Tell me what you think of it! **


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